I Love You, Lily
by SerpentineOffering
Summary: 'I love you, Severus' I smiled, my first genuine smile since your death. 'I love you, Lily' I replied to your memory. 'Only you'


My life had no real meaning, no loved ones left behind to mourn my death. I was a lost cause fighting for a love that no longer existed. I could see her in my mind clearly, her emerald eyes dancing with laughter. Lily Evans. That's who she was to me, I couldn't think of her as Lily Potter - that hurt way to much. I would never admit it of course, I had been told multiple times that I was never good enough for her, that it would never be me standing next to her at the alter. A man could dream couldn't he?  
I lay on this damp, dusty floor, blood pouring from my neck. I know I only have moments left before the darkness takes over and I go to my own personal hell. I could never go to a better place, I didn't deserve that. I was a dark soul, not worthy of anything but the misery that took place within me. I was just a pawn, a pawn for the one man that I thought had truly cared about me. Maybe he had, maybe the words he spoke to me were the truth, maybe I had been like a son to Albus Dumbledore. I wished it were true, I would have been a different man under the influence of Albus.  
A sharp pain shot through my body - the venom was spreading. I felt paralyzed, hopeless. I was scared of death. I had always believed that I would be relieved when it was within my grasp but that wasn't the case. I tried to squeeze my hand together, I couldn't. The only part of my body that was working was inside of it, my mind. I was lost in my own personal torture chamber, I wish it hadn't of ended up this way.  
I let my thoughts drift back to the only woman I had ever truly had feelings for. Her ivory skin, the feel of her touch. I missed her beyond belief. She was my everything, all that I have done up to this very moment was for her. I wished it had of been me all those years ago, I wished she had still lived, if only I could have given her the years I had left. I would have, I know it to be true, if I could have given her the very breath inside my chest I would have handed it over gladly.  
My mind is reeling with chaos, the thought of not being able to picture her inside my mind is terrifying. All these years she has been the only thing keep me going. I wish I could hold her hand once more and tell her I loved her, that I would have given everything up for her. She was worth more than power - I see that now. Why couldn't I have realized that back then? Why did I have to speak that awful word to her when I never believed in such things?  
I still remember the smell that accompanied her, the scent of Lavender and Honeysuckle clung to her neck, bathing me in it's innocence. The teal blue nailpolish that she favored for her nails, her favorite green sweater that I used to tease her about because it was Slytherin colors. All of it so childish yet I remember it all. The soft curve of her lips when she smiled, I remember kissing those lips, the taste of cherry transferring to my tongue.  
I closed my eyes, the pain was getting worse. Not long before I had given her son my memories, I had stared into his eyes which looked so much like Lily's own. For a moment I thought she was an angel, my guardian angel here to take me with her. That wasn't true though, when he left my angel left with me, I was alone with just my memories to keep me company.  
I knew that when it came to the last moments of my life you would be what I thought about, your bravery. I hope I can be as brave as you Lily, I hope that someday I will meet you again beyond the darkness. I wish to one day hold you in my arms once more, I would die a thousand different deaths over to feel your skin upon mine. Just once more.  
I felt cold, used up, and tired. I let my eyes close shut and embraced the darkness, except that it wasn't as dark as it should have been. You were still there, behind my closed eyes. I can't get your face out of my head.  
'I love you, Severus'  
I smiled, my first genuine smile since your death.  
'I love you, Lily' I replied to your memory. 'Only you'


End file.
